I was thinking yesterday about what it would be like if we lived in the Philippines. How would things be different. What would the family dynamic be like? I've had this fantasy about packing up the family and setting down roots in Davao. I've spent a lot of time there, the longest stretch being two months in one shot. I know it would be completely different to live there...permanently.

The big thing I was thinking about was having a family helper/yaya. What would it be like to have a helper/yaya for the kids??? My mother-in-law has had the same helper for many years. Jina has been there for Mama for over a decade I think. J tells me that Mama scolds Jina for not eating enough or not taking care of herself. Even though Mama employs Jina, it seems that neither one of them can live without the other. Jina left for a while to strike off on her own. Mama tried two or three different helpers, but none worked out well for her. After a while, Jina returned. They both seem happier together. I surmise that since J has moved to Minnesota and her brother is in Manila, Mama needs someone to take care of and mother. Jina sees Mama as a mother figure as well. It works for them and I'm glad.

Whenever we are in the Philippines, Jina is there with Mama. I have a hard time with dealing with a helper--put simply, I feel guilty. Here's an example of what I'[m talking about.There we were, sitting in the sala, just hanging out, talking and watching TV. Meanwhile, Jina was in the kitchen cleaning up. I kept wanting to get up and help her clear the table and wash dishes. I found myself ambling over to the kitchen to do just that. J stopped me and told me that it was Jina's job to clean up and do the dishes. Coming from a midwestern middle class family, the idea of having someone to wash my dishes was completely "foreign" to me-duh, go figure. I felt guilty in March when Jina was working in the kitchen again. I don't think the guilt for goes away quickly...

J told me that when she was growing up that she and her younger brother had a yaya. At first, I didn't understand the concept of the yaya. J took the time to explain what a yaya does. It sounded like that children have "caregivers" independent of moms and dads. I'm still not sure about the whole idea of the yaya. Does that give parents more freedom to work? Is it intended to give children more intensive care that possibly parents can't provide since the whole intent of a yaya is the close care of children in an individual family? Can the couple with a helper/yaya enjoy more time together since they have an extra hand with housework or the children? I'm not sure.

I do know this...J and I are always busy and I can't imagine what it would be like to have a helper/yaya. I do know that it's a pain in the butt just to get a good babysitter these days here in the twin cities. I also know that child care and housework take up a major part of every day in our household. The kitchen just doesn't clean itself in the evening after dinner. The clothes don't jump in and out of the washer and dryer and they can't be ironed out of sheer willpower-note, Samok Daddy is the guy who does all the ironing in our household. Making the houselhold work on a daily basis is like running a small army... the troops need to keep the barracks cleaned, they need fresh uniforms, good exercise, food, and motivation. I like to think I am in charge, but I know that J is truly the commanding general. I'll keep the illusion of being the "commander in chief" going in my head at least.

I know that having a helper/yaya would be nice, but I don't know how the adjustment would be...