What I like about me!

I'd like to thank Angie from "Barbed and Wired" for a recent post regarding body image. I realize she is coming at it from the female perspective, but men have got some of the same stuff going on in their heads too. And...by gosh, it aint pretty. Well...at least I've got some of the same kinds of ideas rolling around in my head...and I'm a guy.

I think the biggest problem that I face is that I don't see the big picture, which is my own humanness/humanity. I don't see the forest...hell, I don't even see the trees...I focus on an oblong knot on the trunk of a nondescript pine tree deep in the thick of the forest. What does that mean...I hyperfocus on the faults that I see so much, that nothing else of me exists. It's like...what's wrong with me defines me. So, who am I some days? According to my fault focusing mind, I'm the guy with the gut, overly pointed nose, graying hair, drying and sometimes flakey scalp...with ADD, who drives his spouse and coworkers crazy with his behavior, tangental thinking and limited organizational ability. It's not a pretty picture, and that's what my mind tells me is me...nothing more.

I guess the key is that I can't believe my own bullshit. There is a God up there (I really do believe that) and he created me...the last time I checked, the big guy upstairs didn't make a giant shit sandwich with the name of Steve.

What Angie asked folks to think about was to find things about themselves that they liked...It could be physical or otherwise. So... I had to sit down and think about what I like in me. It's so much easier to just list the imperfections...they just roll off of the tongue. I have to think about this. Ahha...I think I've got a few things I really like about myself.

1. I like my calves. The fat that settled around my midsection, didn't travel south to my calves. They are strong, lean, and defined. They were made through running, biking, and ruck marching in the military. I recall about 10 years ago, when I was single, some of my female coworkers commented on them when I was wearing shorts one day. It made me feel good. I'm holding on to that memory...

2. Everyone in my immediate family has big, beautiful brown eyes but me. I have pale, sparkling blue eyes. They've been said to dance when I laugh. The kids got J's gorgeous brown filipina eyes. They've got small and fine features, so theose brown eyes dominate their faces. I'm the odd man out...with the small blue eyes...but I'll keep them.

3. My voice...somehow I was born with the ability to sing. My dad was the original tipsy Irish tenor. I just carry that on without the tipsy part. I sang in church as a younger person and was always told to keep up with my singing, however life has conspired and made me a busy man with only time to sing in church with the congregation and in the shower. J has told me that she wants the kids to have my voice. That makes me feel very, very good.

4. J tells me that she thinks my thin lips are sexy...and that when I'm serious I have this lisp thing going on. I don't get it or try to speak that way...it just comes out. I've heard myself do it and I think it sounds kind of stupid, but if my wife likes it...I guess I'll just keep up with the serious, unconscious, very small lisp.

5. Finally, I think my kids are absolutely beautiful. They partially came from me...so something good has to be going on there!!!

Well, there you have it. Things that i like about me. I think there are more, but I have to work and I don't want to fry my brain in the effort.