Spooked

I am tired today. Really friggin' tired. There's a reason for it. I'm not sure how I feel about the reason, but I'm going to write about it anyway. Folks can either think I'm slipping off of the deep end or maybe they won't, but here it is.

I worked a very long day yesterday at the college. It was the first day of the quarter and students need their advisors for schedule changes and other fun stuff. New students need assistance and it's just a long and stressful day. I truly was beat and needed some rest. I got home rather late, grabbed some leftovers, and sat down with my wife in front of the tube. The kids were down and it was just J and I...nice and relaxing. Here's the deal...I shouldn't watch certain TV shows if I'm really tired. We both kind of like "Paranormal State" on A&E, which is about a paranormal investigative team at Penn State. I went to bed soon after the program about a haunting dealing with dogs dying and possible ritualistic killing of pets. It really really really disturbed me. My eyes were drooping, so I went off to bed and J stayed in the livingroom to watch a little more TV.

I was in the process of drifting off to sleep when those disturbing thoughts from the TV show began invading my thoughts. They weren't clear thoughts, but a blurry hodge podge of frightful feelings that I couldn't really put my finger on or identify. J crawled into bed next to me, and started snoring almost immediately. I started to get an upset stomach...that nasty uneasy stomach that people sometimes get when fear creeps into their minds. I had to get up. I went into the livingroom and flipped on the TV, It was midnight and luckily Anthony Bourdain was in an outdoor market in Kuala Lampuur. I watched that for a while, settled my nerves and headed back to bed. I said a short prayer and focused my thoughts on traveling to some new resort in the Philippines (that always works to relax me). I finally fell asleep...but that wasn't the end of it by far...

I suddenly woke up to what I thought were footsteps toward our bed. Of course, my immediate thoughts are that Goobs or the Bun have come into the bedroom and want to climb into bed with us. That happens pretty regularly, so it's not a big issue...but...I look over on the other side of the bed and there's not a kid there wanting a hand up to the bed. I got up and checked the house at night...calm...nothing out of order...the kids were deeply asleep. I went back to bed I then looked at the digital clock next to the bed...It's 3:00 am- THE TIME ACCORDING TO PARANORMAL STATE (DEAD TIME) THE TIME THAT IS SUPPOSEDLY THE BUSY TIME FOR SPIRITS...Footsteps...oooh...a little weird.

Here's the weird thing...I suddenly began smelling cigarette smoke. Our house is smoke free. Now, you'd probably think that this might bother me, but it made me feel more peaceful. I got the feeling that this visitor...if I'm not losing my mind...is my dad. My dad, when he was alive, was for most of his years, was a practicing alcoholic. The smell of cigarette smoke at night and the sound of snoring were the signs that my dad was alright and at home. For most of my formative years that smell let me know it was okay to fall asleep...I didn't have to silently wait for my dad to come home. He did almost burn the house down once, but that was with a gas stove and a pot of chili...although he probably could have set the house on fire with a lit cigarette. Nevertheless, it was a calming thing for me. I smelled the smoke...or at least I thought I did...smiled and drifted off to sleep. I felt like a little boy again.

Now, shift to 4:45 this morning. The Bun got up and it was a bad morning...She was crying and shrieking. Nothing made her happy...holding her...nope....milk and cereal...no way Jose...rubbing her back...sorry charlie...no dice. I did think I heard her say "Grandpa" at one point. That made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. Okay...so now I was thinking my dad came to visit last night. He will have been dead for eight years later this month.

I really didn't believe in the paranormal until the week that my dad passed away. That, in itself, is a story that I need to share to make it clear that this seems like it really might be dad coming back for a short stay. Here's that story...

My folks had been divorced for a number of years, but still had an amicable relationship. If fact, we still took family vacations together...which I admit was kind of weird, but it worked for us. Mom had been dating "Bill" for a long time. Dad liked Bill and approved of the relationship. I got a call in September of "99, with my mom telling me she had gotten engaged and they'd be getting married on the 29th of January. I said...I wish you well...take pictures. I don't think I'll make it back from Seoul...plus...I was going on vacation in February and spend a month with J in Davao. They were definitely cool with that...but things changed. Thanksgiving of '99, I got another call that my dad had gone in for a check up and they found a spot on his lung. He was then diagnosed with "small cell lung cancer". My father's health deteriorated quickly. He told my mom and Bill not to change their plans regarding their wedding. They complied with his wishes.

I got a call from my sister-in-law in mid January of 2000 that I needed to get my butt home in a hurry. My plans completely changed. I flew home hurriedly and was able to spend one week with him before he died on January 25, 2000 (it's weird because the 25th is J's birthday and the 26th was his birthday). As per his wishes, the wedding went on. Good Shepherd Lutheran Church in Owatonna MN held my dad's funeral on Friday, January 28th, 2000. On Saturday, January 29th, 2000 (the very next day) I walked my mom down the aisle in the very same church for her wedding. That's weird in itself, but wait...it gets better.

My dad used to hang out at this coffee shop-candy shop in Owatonna for lunch. He made friends with the crusty, old, loveable waitress (I can't recall her name today). They would always sip coffee, tell off color jokes, and laugh together. As a favor, she told me that she was going to keep a filled cup of coffee set at the end of the diner bar as a tribute to "Dickie". Dad would also go over to her place and they'd have coffee at her kitchen table. The waitress did this with a cup of coffee at her kitchen table at home also. She came up to me on Monday following the funeral/wedding with this odd look on her face. She left that cup of coffee for dad at her kitchen table -she left it there at the beginning of the day. She came back late in the afternoon, and to her amazement...THE COFFEE WAS STILL WARM!!!

Okay...there's more...On the morning after the funeral (mom's wedding day)...I was lying in my old bed...in the basement. I was completely warm and comfortable. I felt good...I had cried...I hugged my family...I felt love and knew that dad was in a good place. I also knew that today was a big day. There I was...all warm and comfy, and I heard a whisper..."Steve"...It was not frightening at all. The tone was loving. I got up and looked around. There was no one downstairs. I went upstairs and found a note...my mom was at the hairdressers to get ready for the wedding. She had left over an hour before. I was alone...yet I knew I had heard a voice.

Finally, at the wedding ceremony... Let me backtrack just a bit. We had taken pictures prior to the ceremony. There were quite a few pictures of mom and Bill lighting the unity candle together. There was no problem lighting the candle before the ceremony...but during the ceremony, it was a completely different story. They tried over and over and the candle absolutely refused to light. My brother, sister, and I were sitting in the front row and we all began giggling. We shared with each other that dad was probably behind the candle, blowing it out. Dad had a sense of humor and was always joking. Mom and Bill had to give up on the unity candle after spending what seemed to be five minutes trying to light it. We tried lighting it after the wedding and it fired up right away...so...you tell me...was dad trying to inject a little of his humor into the festivities???

All of this, combined with last night's fun...kind of leads me to believe that Dad might be visiting. I think he wants to see his grandkids and also to see if his firstborn is doing alright. He never got to see me get married and he never had the joy of holding Goobs or the Bun. So, if it is Dad...I'm not going to stress. We made our peace before he died and I know that he did the best he could with the cards he was dealt. Of course, this all could be in my head. Either way...I think I'm cool with it.

We'll see what happens tonight.